Repeated reminders, lengthy explanations, warnings, threats, and yelling are a waste of energy. Reinvest that energy more wisely in a plan of action. Give them attention when they ask for it and they won't feel the need to demand it. When your little one calls excitedly from the bedroom, "Come see what I made", and your up to your elbows in something, you'll save time in the long run by putting it aside and going. If you keep putting them off with, "Just a minute", and that minute stretches into five, ten, or fifteen minutes, you run the risk of them becoming impatient and finding unacceptable ways of occupying themselves until you come. They quickly learn that unacceptable behavior gets a more immediate reaction. You are also teaching them that when people ask you to do something, you don't have to do it right away. Don't be surprised when they tell you, "Just a minute", after you've requested something. Avoid asking questions that require Yes or No answers if No is not an option. You do not ask a toddler or preschooler, "Are you ready for bed?", "Do you want to take a nap?", "Do you want to get dressed?". Obviously No is not an acceptable response in any of these cases. Instead give them a couple of acceptable choices. "It's time for bed. Do you want to walk or shall I carry you?" If you've already made the mistake of asking "Are you ready for bed?", you can still save the situation by following their "No" with, "Well it will be time in five minutes. Then you can walk or I'll carry you". Avoid investing your child's behavior with intentions they may never have had. Most of the time children in this age group do things simply because they can, not because they are out to make your life miserable. They want to see how things feel, how they work, what they look like from every possible angle. Our job is to make sure they can explore their world within safe limits and with adequate supervision. Mealtime. If your little person is smearing food and dumping their drink, help them clean up the mess while saying, "Food is for eating, not for playing", and give them a chance to show you they know how to eat properly. If the messing continues, calmly remove the food and drink, help them clean up, while saying, "I see you're not hungry/thirsty. You can try again later". Later may only need to be 5 or 10 minutes at this age. If the same behavior occurs, remove the child from the table while saying, "I see you're finished. Maybe you'll be ready to eat the right way the next time". When the tears and claims of being hungry come, you can reassure them that you are confident they will remember how to eat properly at the next meal. Clean up. If your little person is in the habit of getting everything out and leaving it you might want to initiate a "when-then" policy. When you put away the puzzles, then you may get out the blocks. They will need help at this age. They are not going to clean their room all by themselves. If you do not get cooperation when it comes time to clean up, this is what I used. "You can help me clean up or I will do it myself. If I do it, everything I pick up goes in my closet for two days". Two days seems like an eternity at this age. I rarely had toys in my clothes closet. Interrupting phone calls. If you have phone calls to make, get your little one(s) involved in an activity before you begin to dial. Keep a basket of toys or activities especially for this occasion on top of the refrigerator or in a cupboard. They'll be more appealing if they are not readily available. If you are on the phone unexpectedly and someone starts tugging on your patience, excuse yourself from the conversation, direct your little one to a specific activity, i.e. go get a book to look at, draw a picture, etc., and resume your conversation. If the interruption continues, ask if you can call back in 5 minutes, hang up, repeat the rule that it is not O.K. to interrupt someone when they are on the phone, involve them in an activity, and return the call. You might mention that if you don't get interrupted again there will be time to do something together when you get off the phone. Plan to make phone calls during nap time or after the kids are in bed when possible. Tantrums. Remember that tantrums are most likely to occur when little people are tired, hungry, making transitions, or unclear on the expectations for a given situation. For example, when you go shopping, let them know ahead of time whether this is a "getting trip" or just a "looking trip". If it is a looking trip, make it clear that if they ask for something, the answer will be "No", and by all means stick to it. When they start to whine remind them that this is a "looking trip" and then ignore them or redirect their attention to something else. If the whining escalates into crying or a full-blown tantrum, don't let your embarrassment guide your actions. You may decide that the shopping trip is not essential after all and simply leave. People who don't know how to behave appropriately in the store don't get to go shopping. If you must complete the shopping, move the erupting child to a place where you are more comfortable, speak soothingly, and wait it out. Once your little volcano realizes that you will not be controlled by their behavior, it won't be worth the trouble. There simply is no payoff. Three final comments: Prevention is the best solution to any problem. None of these recommendations is likely to work after only one time. Children have to be convinced that you mean what you say. They are a hard sell. Things often get worse before they get better. For example, if tantrums have worked for your little one and you decide you're not going to give in any more, be prepared. When they don't get the expected reaction, they tantrum even harder because they think they're not doing a good enough job. You have to be more determined that the behavior is going to stop than they are that the behavior is going to work. Remember to notice and express appreciation for cooperative behavior. I know I'm certainly more motivated by compliments than criticism.